Sarah Pulls........A lot of things

We never knew why or how our recliner lost all its “hair”.  For years, the arms of it became progressively bald.  We didn’t know why.  If you remember from my earlier posts, we were “clueless” about Trichotillomania for quite a while.

Sarah not only pulled a lot of the fabric hair from our recliner, but we have found similar bald spots in our couch and in blankets.  Before I became clued into Trich, I would have never thought twice to look for these clues.  I never noticed these little bald spots here and there.  I think it’s cute.  Hey, it’s just furniture right?  We can throw it away and buy new ones.   I have begun watching yard sales for a new “disposable” recliner to accommodate her pulling.  I’ve decided that I don’t care that it wouldn’t match our decor.  I can always throw a sheet over it or place it in the garage if we have company.  As long as she feels better about herself and doesn’t self loath for pulling her own hair, I’m happy to sacrifice the furniture.  This is part of having Trich.  Now that I understand it, I will do whatever I can to help.

Sarahs Main Trigger

Social rejection has been Sarah's greatest challenge.  It wouldn't be a normal day in high school if there wasn't some kind of issue with a friend or boyfriend or team mate or teacher or classmate.  It's very common for high schoolers to have conflict amongst each other one day and the next blow it off and make up.  For Sarah it's never this simple.  First off, she feels she deserves the rejection because in her mind, she's damaged.  Second, the thought of losing that friend and them being upset with her is not just upsetting, it's devastating.  She just finished 11th grade and she's gotten a lot better at dealing with it, however it is definitely a challenge for her to deal with. 

This week, two things happened that would normally cause her to pull.  Her boyfriend that she was dating for a couple months broke up with her and summer basketball season began.  Sarah is a great basketball player and loves to play however the conflict between the girls on her team can really get to her.  I'm proud and happy to say that she has not pulled.  She is now 17 days pull free.  This is very exciting and a great accomplishment for her!!

It makes no difference to me if she pulls or not.  I wouldn't think anything different of her.  I would not love her one bit less.  But the guilt, shame and self loathing that she go's through after she pulls is why our family tries to help and encourage her to do the best that she can. 

"WHEN" she pulls again, we will support her and remind her of all the wonderful things that make her our special Sarah.

We really enjoyed watching her play 5 basketball games these last two days.  She's a stud!  Basketball is one of the many things she is great at. 

I think I want to be Sarah when I finally decide to grow up.

Clueless About Trich

              

            If you asked Sarah, she would probably say, I am clueless about alot of things a lot of the time.   However, this post is about my clueless experience with Trich.

As you know, I am a mother of 16 year old Sarah who has Trichotillomania.  We discovered she had it when she was 6 years old however at the time, we had no idea what, why, or how to help her.  We were clueless.  Ten years ago, Google was not the Google it is today. 

I couldn’t understand why my daughter would pull out every single one of her eyelashes.  Much to my child’s shame, I brought it up at her next doctor’s appointment.  He did not give me a diagnosis or offer any resources to help me understand what my child was going through.  He too seemed clueless.  My poor Sarah sat in shame and cried in humiliation because I revealed her shameful secret to this stranger.  A huge clueless mistake.

Her father and I did not consider that our child was gripped with anxiety and horrible shame.  We had no idea she began living her life alone, in a secret darkness, with rapidly declining self esteem trying to deal with the affects of Trichotillomania for years to come. 

When she was 12 years old I discovered a huge patch of hair missing from her head.  Still clueless to Trich, I questioned her about it.  She, of course, desperate to keep her secret, lied and said a friend yanked her hair out in a rage of anger.  Being the protective mother that I am, I decided I would discuss this with the child and her mother.  Before I could do so, my daughter decided to come clean and tell me the truth that she in fact, pulled her own hair out.  Wow!  But why?  Her father and I disciplined, yes disciplined her for lying AND (still clueless about Trich) pulling her own hair out.   We interrogated her about why she would do something like this.  My poor child had no answers.  Just shame.  She was so ashamed to discuss it with us and to admit it to us that she could barely look at us in the eye.  She too was just as clueless as we were, however, we (her father, brother and I) went about our wonderful life.  Sarah, on the other hand was still living in a secret darkness gripped by shame and feeling like a hideous misfit.

My mom, Sarah’s grandmother told me that she saw a program on television of someone who pulled their eyelashes out.  She said it was a disorder.  Gasp!  Surely my mother was clueless.  She couldn’t be right and it must have been something other than what Sarah has.  During this conversation, something in me knew that she was correct.  I researched it a little on the internet and found a couple (no exaggeration, maybe 3) sites with information about Trichotillomania.  Wait.  What?  Trick-uh-til-a-wha?  I then accepted that Sarah has Trichotillomania.

I made an appointment to take her to counseling.  The counselor explained that she had anxiety because of the programs I was watching at night.  Really? Nancy Grace makes her pull?  We only visited with the counselor a couple times more.  Sarah didn’t click with her and we were still clueless.  A little less clueless, but still clueless.

I kept an eye on Sarah’s eyelashes and bald spots on her head.  I confronted her when I saw noticeable signs of pulling.  I would brain storm with her on what might be causing the urges.  I would try to slow down some activities and shelter her from certain friends that I (ME, MOM) thought triggered her pulling.  She would have good times and bad times but we were living with Trich and it worked.  At least…….. I thought so.  But really, I was clueless.